1 00:00:03,690 --> 00:00:06,990 You should have seen me last night at O'Malley's. I sat in with the band. 2 00:00:10,070 --> 00:00:12,390 Okay, I didn't do anything, but I got there. 3 00:00:12,890 --> 00:00:17,670 Gee, Bert, I'm sorry I missed it, but you know what? It hit me the other day. 4 00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:19,650 I'm actually here to get a degree. 5 00:00:20,310 --> 00:00:22,330 Hey, come watch women's softball with me today. 6 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,050 Hey, I gotta go to class. 7 00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:28,190 Bert, we can't all be philosophy majors. 8 00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:33,410 It's not my fault a bunch of guys in sandals did my homework for me 4 ,000 9 00:00:33,410 --> 00:00:34,410 ago. 10 00:00:36,730 --> 00:00:37,730 That's mine. 11 00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:42,450 So what do you plan to do after grad school? 12 00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:46,850 Why can't you just let me be happy? Because it's not fair to the rest of us. 13 00:00:48,370 --> 00:00:51,670 I mean, look, you triple majored in undergrad and you never even opened up a 14 00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:52,750 book. That. 15 00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:54,210 The wonder of me. 16 00:00:55,610 --> 00:00:59,250 No, it's not the wonder of you. It's the trouble with you. See, you're always 17 00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:02,730 just skating by, right? And someday, someday you're going to hit a rough 18 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:06,010 Who poured you a double mocha grumpy this morning? 19 00:01:07,990 --> 00:01:08,990 Grumpy. 20 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:12,610 Spent all night on this. I got to test instructors. 21 00:01:12,950 --> 00:01:17,930 We have to be at work at three and... I'm breaking up with Melissa today. 22 00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:19,570 Oh, boy. 23 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,200 We have to be at work at three? 24 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,400 I'm breaking up with Melissa today? 25 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:29,598 One hole. 26 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,318 Come on. 27 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,540 Berg, I can't be late. 28 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,020 When Sharon stops down, I'll make her give us a ride. 29 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:35,960 What makes you think she's going to stop down? 30 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,120 I stole her last roll of toilet paper. 31 00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:40,100 Come on, Berg. I'm not in the mood. 32 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:41,980 So what the hell's going on with you and Melissa? 33 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:47,340 I don't know. Look, next week is our six -month anniversary, and the lease is up 34 00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:48,179 on Hong Kong. 35 00:01:48,180 --> 00:01:50,810 Huh? The Chinese are taking back the lease on Hong Kong. 36 00:01:51,550 --> 00:01:53,690 Really? I never knew the Chinese were leasing. 37 00:01:54,270 --> 00:01:59,110 I mean, think about all those people who work so hard to make Hong Kong what it 38 00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:00,110 is, right? For what? 39 00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:01,330 They have no future. 40 00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:04,990 It's just like Melissa and me, right? I mean, if I was meant to spend my life 41 00:02:04,990 --> 00:02:08,030 with her, I'd be thinking about getting married by now. Now, do you see me 42 00:02:08,030 --> 00:02:09,310 shopping for a ring? No. 43 00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:13,610 Duckly, we are living in Hong Kong, waiting for a lease to run out. 44 00:02:14,070 --> 00:02:15,730 Quit thinking so much. 45 00:02:16,030 --> 00:02:17,570 You like her? She adores you. 46 00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:19,170 Screw the future. 47 00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:20,850 One under. 48 00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:26,390 Look, look, look. Melissa's terrific, right? But she's just... She's not the 49 00:02:26,390 --> 00:02:27,390 one. 50 00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:31,010 8 .45? 51 00:02:31,670 --> 00:02:32,670 All is clear. 52 00:02:34,930 --> 00:02:36,370 Since when do you have asthma? 53 00:02:36,730 --> 00:02:38,810 I don't. So, Melissa's not the one, huh? 54 00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:43,630 Berg, you gotta stop doing these experiments. You're gonna hurt yourself. 55 00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:46,230 It pays 50 bucks. 56 00:02:48,270 --> 00:02:49,510 But you don't have asthma. 57 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,070 Don't need it. 58 00:02:52,330 --> 00:02:55,570 You know how they always say not to exceed the recommended daily dosage? 59 00:02:55,690 --> 00:02:56,690 Well, I'm the guy. 60 00:02:57,690 --> 00:03:00,510 Who exceeds it so they know why you shouldn't. 61 00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:05,170 Well, I'm the guy who had to drive you to the hospital when that new foot spray 62 00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:06,710 made your toenails fall off. 63 00:03:07,330 --> 00:03:08,530 They grew back thicker. 64 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:13,710 Bird, you just can't. You hate things. No, don't change the subject. 65 00:03:13,970 --> 00:03:16,650 Dating, getting used to someone new, finding out their quirk. 66 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,860 What's Melissa's? What? 67 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,360 What? 68 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:24,280 Nothing. 69 00:03:29,020 --> 00:03:31,180 Peter, we don't play that. 70 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,280 All right, you can't tell anyone. 71 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,380 As soon as you tell me, I'm chopping off my tongue. 72 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,940 Melissa? Yeah? When we're going at it? Yeah. 73 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,720 She starts to laugh. 74 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,800 But, like, uncontrollably. 75 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,880 Sure. You guys suck. 76 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,040 So sex makes Melissa happy. 77 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,820 No, no, no, no, no, no. We are way past happy. 78 00:03:58,060 --> 00:03:59,080 This is psychotic. 79 00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:02,560 It's maniacal. It's like... 80 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:10,380 That's 81 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,380 what that is? 82 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,020 Did you put the seat back up? 83 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:16,320 Why do we suck? 84 00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:18,800 Because we all graduate together. 85 00:04:19,079 --> 00:04:23,340 Yet I have to put on heels, which I hate, and go out in the real world and 86 00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:27,920 chemicals, which I hate, while you knuckleheads get to plague off, which I 87 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:28,920 hate. 88 00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:31,420 You make like a bazillion dollars. 89 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,760 Selling my soul? 90 00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:37,600 Look, if I close this deal today, I make commission on 500 gallons of toxic 91 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:42,240 cleaner I'm selling to some oil rig. So, I can enjoy a weekend at the Cape. 92 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,340 While killing off all sea life between here and Guam. I hate myself. 93 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,180 Yeah, but you love your beamer. 94 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,560 Love it. 95 00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:53,240 Why don't you drop me off when you take Pete to class? 96 00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,840 What, I'm taking Pete to class? That's perfect. 97 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,040 Let it be off, huh? 98 00:04:58,060 --> 00:04:59,800 Pete's breaking up with Melissa today. Good. 99 00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:01,640 Good? You said you liked her. 100 00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:03,020 Bye. 101 00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:27,780 So? 102 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,040 So? 103 00:05:29,340 --> 00:05:30,340 How'd she take it? 104 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:36,640 I'd say pretty well. You didn't do it. No, but... Made a one -state to do it 105 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:37,599 here. 106 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:38,600 What are you doing? 107 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:43,060 Oh, oh, oh, I got everything planned out. Okay, the blue cards, why it's best 108 00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:48,700 for her, the yellows, why we should stay friends, and the pink, things to say 109 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:49,700 when she starts to cry. 110 00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:55,120 You know, this behavior reflects badly on both of us. 111 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,240 Hey, Bill, you know, I'm thinking it might be time to spring for some new 112 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,060 cushions. Good idea. 113 00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:05,680 Then maybe some curtains and a little paint job, too. There you go. 114 00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,860 Then maybe we should think up a new name, because I tell you what, it won't 115 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:10,400 Beacon Street Pizza no more. 116 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:15,300 It won't be the same place my daddy built. Here, build your own damn place. 117 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:18,560 Good joint, Pete. 118 00:06:20,820 --> 00:06:22,820 What's with him? He's breaking up with Melissa. 119 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:24,640 What does he want to do that for? 120 00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,480 He feels she's not the one. 121 00:06:27,210 --> 00:06:28,390 Tell him to shut up. 122 00:06:30,130 --> 00:06:33,590 Hey, Pete, I found that article on Marlon Brando's trainer. 123 00:06:40,090 --> 00:06:41,210 Thanks, Mr. Bauer. 124 00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:44,210 Why is he always bringing me things? 125 00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:49,650 He loves you. He's delusional. He's constantly telling me stories about his 126 00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:50,730 that I know are from movies. 127 00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:53,230 We don't know that, Berg. 128 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,440 There was no way he was one of the apple dumpling gang. 129 00:06:59,540 --> 00:07:01,120 Incoming. Oh, it's Melissa. 130 00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:03,060 She wore her hair down. 131 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:07,040 I just want you to know I support you 100%. Bill, it's starting. 132 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:08,480 Hey. 133 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:10,560 Hey, sweetie. 134 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,000 Hey, Bill. I'm Mr. Bauer. 135 00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:14,420 Berg? 136 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:17,219 What's this? 137 00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:18,300 My classmate, you cookie. 138 00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:19,540 Aw. 139 00:07:23,850 --> 00:07:25,070 Oh, they love you. 140 00:07:25,470 --> 00:07:26,870 Because they know I love you. 141 00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:29,070 Melissa, 142 00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:31,870 you know how the lease is running out on Hong Kong? 143 00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:33,430 Sure. 144 00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:37,730 Although there is that stipulation that China has to ensure the preservation of 145 00:07:37,730 --> 00:07:40,730 Hong Kong's way of life, both socially and economically, for at least another 146 00:07:40,730 --> 00:07:41,730 years. 147 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,630 So Hong Kong's still going to be Hong Kong? 148 00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:56,340 You're smart. 149 00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:58,640 What are these? Oh, sorry. 150 00:07:58,960 --> 00:07:59,879 Are you okay? 151 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,020 Yeah, I was trying to hand them to you. 152 00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:04,580 It's spilling the water. 153 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:07,020 Bill, what do you make of that? Take him out. He's done. 154 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:13,640 Bill, I don't believe we've seen the last of this feisty young girl from 155 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,640 Wisconsin. 156 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,640 Don't talk into the food. 157 00:08:18,980 --> 00:08:19,979 Very smooth. 158 00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:21,580 Look, I can't do this with you guys leering. 159 00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:23,760 I always leer. 160 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,780 It's suspicious if I weren't leering. 161 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,780 You'd be like, why isn't Berg leering? 162 00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:29,700 Berg leering. 163 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,580 Isn't that a type of Merlot? 164 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:34,980 It's a cabernet. 165 00:08:36,419 --> 00:08:37,419 310. 166 00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:39,020 Starting to babble. 167 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,780 Uh, Pete, you better get back in there before Bauer steals your woman. 168 00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:48,980 I thought I told you no more experiments. 169 00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:50,480 They interfere with your work. 170 00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:52,129 Mr. Thomas. 171 00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:54,710 Yeah, that's what you said when you couldn't get your sweat glands to stop. 172 00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:58,710 Had to follow you around with a mop. 173 00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:02,010 The shark's coming right at me. 174 00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:04,450 And I only have one bullet left. 175 00:09:05,450 --> 00:09:07,090 I think, oh, I'm a ghost. 176 00:09:08,930 --> 00:09:12,170 Then I see the oxygen tank in its mouth. What do you think I do? 177 00:09:12,370 --> 00:09:15,170 You shot the tank and the shark blew up. I shot the tank? 178 00:09:16,770 --> 00:09:18,150 The shark blew up? 179 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,560 and Richard Dreyfuss. One back to shore. 180 00:09:25,540 --> 00:09:27,840 Thanks a lot, Mr. Bauer. Boy, that was a hell of a day. 181 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,800 You are a lucky guy. 182 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,500 Yeah. 183 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:40,920 Well. 184 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,340 What is with you today? 185 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,160 Is there something you want to tell me? 186 00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:46,380 No. 187 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,220 Are you trying to break up with me? 188 00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:49,660 No. 189 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:55,859 What have you done to him? 190 00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:58,540 Hey, this one isn't me, because I'm the one who said he shouldn't break up with 191 00:09:58,540 --> 00:09:59,540 you. No! 192 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:07,300 I don't believe you. No, I wasn't. He's evil. He may be not evil, but at least 193 00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:09,380 he's honest. It's just so... Oh, move. 194 00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:10,700 You're just so... You know, 195 00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:14,560 I want to hear it the hell with you. Life's too short, Pete. 196 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:19,380 See you around. Melissa, we... Ten years from now, when you're fat and alone, 197 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,600 and you have to wear a baseball cap at club med to hide your hair transplant, 198 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,040 remember, 199 00:10:25,230 --> 00:10:26,890 You had a good thing here, and you blew it. 200 00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,950 I don't believe it. 201 00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:34,250 She broke out with me. 202 00:10:34,990 --> 00:10:35,990 It just got dumped. 203 00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:37,910 Boy, did you have them. 204 00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,910 And in front of everybody, too. 205 00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:50,250 So, you get the account? 206 00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:55,330 Yep. One more client for me, one less feces. A bird. 207 00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:00,070 Sharon, if you don't like it, quit. 208 00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:03,110 Life's a waste unless you're doing what you love. 209 00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:07,250 You're right. I mean, I can do anything I want. I'm smart. 210 00:11:07,530 --> 00:11:09,130 Absolutely right. I'm motivated. 211 00:11:09,410 --> 00:11:12,910 Yes, you are. I'm a people person. I gotta go back and count my pepperonis. 212 00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:15,210 I am. 213 00:11:15,630 --> 00:11:16,630 Aren't I, Bert? 214 00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:21,010 Sharon, you're a lot of things, but people person? 215 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,390 It goes to Unabomber, then you. 216 00:11:27,550 --> 00:11:29,070 No. That's why we love you. 217 00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:39,150 How's the delivery? 218 00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:40,210 Fine. 219 00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:42,830 Traffic? Not bad. 220 00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:45,350 The toppings slide? 221 00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:47,170 A little bit. 222 00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:52,070 Gee, you two fight like a couple of broads. Kick his ass, Pete. 223 00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:54,810 Yeah, he's wearing my shirt. 224 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,670 I can't believe you're mad at me. 225 00:11:59,570 --> 00:12:02,070 Isn't that what you wanted? I mean, one minute you're going to break up with 226 00:12:02,070 --> 00:12:03,930 her, and the next minute she breaks up with you. 227 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,090 And you flip out. 228 00:12:07,850 --> 00:12:08,850 He has a point. 229 00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:11,050 You should have just minded your own damn business. 230 00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:12,370 Yeah, he's got you there. 231 00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:16,150 I mean, when she walked out of here, I had an epiphany. 232 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,430 I mean, how many Melissa's are there in the world? 233 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,130 What's wrong with me? 234 00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:25,220 I'll tell you what's wrong with you, okay? You keep saying Melissa's not the 235 00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:28,980 one, when in reality you know she is the one. And you're scared to death of it. 236 00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:30,300 Ding, ding, ding. Berg wins. 237 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,740 All right, cover for me. Where are you going? Over to Melissa's to blame the 238 00:12:36,740 --> 00:12:38,700 whole thing on you. If there's anything she'll believe, it's that. 239 00:12:38,980 --> 00:12:39,980 Uh, no, she won't. 240 00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:41,420 Why not? 241 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,400 Right now, if I'm Little Miss Yippee, I get summers off. 242 00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:53,810 Then you come through the door blaming it all on Berg, which says to me that 243 00:12:53,810 --> 00:12:56,430 did in fact want to break up and you need your buddy to do it for you. 244 00:12:56,950 --> 00:13:00,430 Thank you so much. Thank you so much for destroying my future. 245 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:04,750 Future killer. 246 00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:09,130 You know, I was in love once. 247 00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,770 We shared a flat in France. 248 00:13:12,990 --> 00:13:15,210 Then the war came. All hell broke loose. 249 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,830 Somehow... I found myself in Morocco running a nightclub. 250 00:13:22,710 --> 00:13:26,690 And she walked back into my life. By then, she was married. 251 00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:30,230 Don't do what I did, son. Don't let her get on that plane. 252 00:13:35,090 --> 00:13:36,370 It's okay, Mr. Bauer. 253 00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,050 We'll always have Paris. 254 00:13:41,410 --> 00:13:42,590 Pete, delivery. 255 00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:45,130 Let me take this one. 256 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,080 I want to see if I can operate heavy machinery. 257 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,260 Fine. I'll just assume the drive safe is implied. 258 00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:04,540 Berg. 259 00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:06,120 Thank you. I'd love to. 260 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,920 So, let me guess. 261 00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:11,180 He sent you to make up with me? 262 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,340 He doesn't know I'm here. 263 00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:15,510 Ooh. Oranges. 264 00:14:16,350 --> 00:14:17,350 Why are you here? 265 00:14:18,050 --> 00:14:21,350 Look, Mel, I'm no expert on relationships. 266 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:22,750 This just in. 267 00:14:23,510 --> 00:14:27,290 But I am an expert on Pete, okay? And sometimes he just gets a little confused 268 00:14:27,290 --> 00:14:28,069 is all. 269 00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:30,670 Give the guy a break. I mean, I'm the one who blew it. Look, admit it. You're 270 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,130 just here to make yourself feel better, Bert. 271 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:35,970 That's right. I feel better when you guys are together. Give me a break, 272 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:38,330 I do. It makes my best friend happy. 273 00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:42,650 Look, you know I can tag... 274 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,660 Where's that place where you're safe, where they can't get you? 275 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:46,279 Home base? 276 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,280 Home base. 277 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,320 Pete's my home base. 278 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,280 I mean, I wouldn't get to be me if he wasn't him. 279 00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:59,200 And someday I hope I'll find someone like you. 280 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:06,220 And when I blow it, which I will, I know he'll go over and make her realize that 281 00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:07,680 there's something here worth saving. 282 00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:10,340 Well, I've, uh... 283 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:12,440 Never doubt you to be so open. 284 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:13,800 Me neither. 285 00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:17,800 Oh, God. 286 00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:19,140 What? 287 00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:28,260 748. Having used 800 times the normal recommended daily dosage, 288 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:33,300 now experiencing a side effect, feeling extremely honest and forthright. 289 00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,800 I've never been more afraid in my life. 290 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:43,920 Truth serum. 291 00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:46,460 So you have to tell the truth. 292 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,760 Oh, yeah. 293 00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:49,100 Huh. 294 00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:52,740 Last Wednesday when Pete was supposed to take me to the gallery opening. 295 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,119 I've got to go. 296 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,680 And he called me and told me you had the allergic reaction to shellfish and had 297 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:57,680 to be rushed to the hospital. 298 00:15:58,060 --> 00:15:59,440 We were at the dog trip. 299 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,820 And last week when he couldn't make my cousin's engagement party because you 300 00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:04,300 guys were collecting toys for the orphanage. 301 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,000 We were playing pop and shot at a mallet. I know. 302 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,160 You have to understand. 303 00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:11,540 It was for the world championship of all. 304 00:16:14,030 --> 00:16:15,030 What? 305 00:16:17,690 --> 00:16:18,890 What did he tell you about me? 306 00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:21,190 Everything. Like what everything? 307 00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:25,110 Like the first time he saw you, he said he actually felt his heart stop. 308 00:16:26,410 --> 00:16:27,410 Really? 309 00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:33,010 And you do a phenomenal Linda Ronstadt imitation. 310 00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:35,330 Thanks. 311 00:16:38,190 --> 00:16:39,390 And he hates sushi. 312 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,320 But goes with you all the time because he knows you love it. 313 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,220 Why didn't he say anything? 314 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,180 And you laugh like a mad scientist during sex. 315 00:16:55,280 --> 00:17:00,320 I did a bad thing. 316 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,520 Hoover, who did you do a bad thing to? 317 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,300 What more could you have done to me today? 318 00:17:12,980 --> 00:17:15,440 Please, do not tell me you went over to Melissa's. 319 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:17,520 Oh, Bert. 320 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,900 I didn't want you blaming me for screwing up the rest of your life, so I 321 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:24,460 over there to get you guys back together. And? And she never wants to 322 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,460 you again. 323 00:17:28,820 --> 00:17:30,180 Bert, what did you tell her? 324 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,660 Everything. It wasn't me. It was the asthma inhaler. It had side effects. 325 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,360 It was like a truth serum. 326 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,700 Bert, Bert, what did you tell her? 327 00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:39,380 I... 328 00:17:40,170 --> 00:17:42,670 I told her where you really were last Saturday. Oh, God. 329 00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:44,350 I told her about the laughing. 330 00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:45,570 You what? 331 00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:46,990 You know, when you guys have sex. 332 00:17:48,470 --> 00:17:50,590 She laughed like a crazy lady in an attic. 333 00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:53,030 God, so that's what that is. 334 00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:57,490 Do you still have to tell the truth? 335 00:17:57,750 --> 00:17:58,689 I'm not sure. 336 00:17:58,690 --> 00:18:00,090 Ask me if I like your hair this way. 337 00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:02,150 Do you like my hair this way? 338 00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:03,870 Yes, very much. 339 00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:05,370 It wore off. 340 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:10,520 My life is not one of your experiments. Just leave it alone. 341 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,020 You know, I'm starting to feel way underappreciated here. 342 00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:19,660 Go. 343 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:21,560 Cover for me. 344 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,940 Yeah, there's about as much chance of me wearing this thing. 345 00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:25,840 Hey, people person. 346 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,900 Excuse me, can I see a menu? 347 00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:30,760 It's the pizza place. 348 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,920 What are you doing out here? Did you come to push me into traffic? 349 00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:41,450 I don't like you being mad at me. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me. 350 00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:45,610 I'm going to be 25, and I don't even know where my life is. And the one good 351 00:18:45,610 --> 00:18:47,150 thing I had, I messed up. 352 00:18:48,110 --> 00:18:50,610 When my dad was my age, he had a house. 353 00:18:50,810 --> 00:18:51,810 He had a wife. 354 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:53,030 He had me. 355 00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:55,110 What do I have? 356 00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:58,830 You have the ability to suck the life out of an evening. 357 00:19:02,690 --> 00:19:07,230 There's no blueprint for life, okay? First, it's meiosis. Out of the womb. 358 00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:10,780 Sniff. Then you get a big old aneurysm and you puff over your deck. 359 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,380 Everything in between just happens, Pete. 360 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,040 Enjoy it. 361 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:16,700 God, Bert. 362 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,540 Not like you, all right? 363 00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,860 I don't find pearls when I eat oysters. 364 00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:25,860 I can't learn Russian in three days from a book called How to Learn Russian in 365 00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:26,860 Three Days. 366 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,440 I wish I could, but I can't. That's why you have me. 367 00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:32,080 Are you going to have my children? 368 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,860 There is an experiment at MIT next week. 369 00:19:45,610 --> 00:19:46,610 What if I wind up alone? 370 00:19:47,090 --> 00:19:50,870 What if I wind up alone, hanging out in some pizza place, telling anyone who 371 00:19:50,870 --> 00:19:54,330 will listen to me about the time I plowed under my cornfield and built a 372 00:19:54,330 --> 00:19:55,330 baseball diner? 373 00:19:56,810 --> 00:19:58,110 Listen to me, okay? 374 00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:02,310 Everything's going to work out, all right? You'll have the wife and the 375 00:20:02,390 --> 00:20:03,390 It's there. 376 00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:05,690 You just can't see around that turn yet. 377 00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:07,150 How can you be so sure? 378 00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,570 Because I know it has to. 379 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,490 If my life doesn't work out, I'm coming to live with you. 380 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:16,560 You heard me. 381 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:18,720 Fine. 382 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,040 Hey, 383 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,000 Bert. What do you think's going to happen to Sharon? I'm sure she'll settle 384 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000 down, I'm kidding. 385 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,000 Get your butts back in here! 386 00:20:34,740 --> 00:20:35,900 Take over Cuba. 387 00:20:45,930 --> 00:20:47,970 or to shut up or you'd bash his head in with a shovel. 388 00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:51,470 Well, he kept waving at me. 389 00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,050 Oh. How long did it take to make up with somebody? 390 00:20:57,030 --> 00:20:58,030 Relax. 391 00:20:59,850 --> 00:21:00,850 Hey, hey. 392 00:21:01,810 --> 00:21:02,810 It's time to go. 393 00:21:03,030 --> 00:21:05,370 Go figure. Melissa and I are going to try and work things out. 394 00:21:05,910 --> 00:21:07,710 Great. I've always liked her. 395 00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:12,669 Come on. 396 00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:15,250 I think what we need here is a little pop and shot of the mountains. 397 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,580 Oh, no, I can't. Sure, it's fine. 398 00:21:17,820 --> 00:21:19,040 Because I'm a people person. 399 00:21:20,940 --> 00:21:23,940 I told Melissa I'd go back over with a video. 400 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:25,640 Go back over? 401 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,660 Not in your condition. 402 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,040 Look at him. 403 00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:32,240 All clammy and yellow. 404 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,280 No, guys. Food poisoning. 405 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:38,540 It's you like that. Guys, we'll call from the bar. 406 00:22:02,820 --> 00:22:03,820 You're fine.